Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Eternal Separation

Going to Heaven: Percy Miller aka Master P. Check the stats...

-Never gave up - was drafted by the Charlotte Hornets in '98 and the Toronto Raptors in '99, but was dumped by both and never played a regular season NBA game.

-Played Basketball for the Fort Wayne Fury plus...

-He was the first rapper to become worth both over 100 million and 300 million, so...

-He was playing only for the love of the game. Why else would you go to Fort Wayne? I couldn't find specific stats from Ft. Wayne, but he and Damon Bailey (who is going to hell) certainly didn't save the CBA.

Because this is about sports, his hip-hop stats can't be considered, but one must be mentioned. His label, No Limit, was the pioneer and biggest advocate of sweet album covers featuring the rapper with really cheap looking graphics and a random hodge-podge of expensive things they like. This is one of the best album cover styles in the history of hip-hop album covers.

Going to hell: His son, Percy Romeo Miller Jr. aka Li'l Romeo aka Romeo. Check out these stats, which admittedly must remain on sports.

-According to this article, Romeo is actually fairly good at b-ball, but look at the particulars. He makes the claim that "I had to teach myself everything" and in the same article, it says, "Miller is a student of his craft, currently serving an apprenticeship under one of the NBA's all-time great point guards, Tiny Archibald." Yeah, everybody that had to teach themself got to study under a basketball great.

-He is a junior in high school right now who is already proclaiming his college destination. Everyone else in this country has to play basketball well and then be recruited. But Romeo's fame means he can just announce that he is going to go play for a very competitive college team. Maybe I should announce that I am going to teach religion at DU and wait for it to happen, oh that's right, my dad isn't a famous billionaire.

For the sake a full disclosure, I must admit that according to all accounts, Romeo does work hard and is an excellent high school guard. But given the other factors, we must remember that we are saved by grace, not mad skillz.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Don't Me Be The Judge My

Well folks. It's time we took some stands on E.D.'s without consulting each other.
Here's my first attempt at this.

Billy Ripken.

Oh man. This guy is definitely going to heaven's nursery. God probably feels bad for him. I mean his brother was awesome city. His mom and dad probably kinda hated him. He got tricked by some teammates into taking his baseball card pic with THIS bat. His name was Billy. This guy will bring tears to heaven.

Christian Laettner

Hell! Oh man, he tried to trick everyone with that name but no fuckin' way man.

Ty Cobb

His destiny is sealed inside a dragon's belly. This is a pretty weird dude so he gets a weird destiny.

Manute Bol

HEAVEN BOUND! The part of heaven where you get to eat at Baskin Robbins everyday with anyone you want and all flavors are real.

Kurt Rambis

Well, this is a tough one. He came to McCracken camp one summer and my dad got me his autograph but I never saw him so it's kind of a legend. The goggles might have saved his soul however it could be the hair too. All I know is that he will spend the rest of his existence at K-Mart/Little Ceasars.

Reggie Theus

This guy. Raise your hand if you watched this show. My best friend in high school watched this every Saturday and I hated it sooooo bad. It was like the worst idea. Right after Inside Stuff I think that way I had to watch at least a little of it. He frickin' played for an NBA team now he's a high school coach and the best player is a girl? Also what the hell is with that vest?
Anyway, I'm up for anything for his destiny. Maybe purg?

Michael Chang

This guy is the easiest heaven call so far. Sports Spectrum, All Star Bible, Fun to watch. He's in. Hard.

Bill Laimbeer

In a handbasket on Elliott's bike in place of E.T. will he be riding into hell. Hot on the heels and he'll probably like it. How did Detroit fans even like him?

This guy is in hell also.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Eternal Destinies?

I was just looking for a clarification on how the assignment of eternal destinies works. Clearly we know more than most about eternity, sports, and destinies. But what does "we make the call" really mean? Do we decide by committee? Or does the nomination of one member determine destinies? Is there a causal relationship between our selections and the afterlife or are we just documenting what is already the case?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Try this one

When you want to talk about eternal destinies, here's a guy for you: Mugsy Bogues. Now get a load of this guy. What a kind young gentleman.

1) He's an officer and a gentleman.
2) He's a hard worker.
3) He played for the Hornets.

He's clearly gettin' in to H-town (you guys know which one I mean, oh yeah!). Constrained by a diminutive frame of five feet and three inches, he was still able to effect the Lord's purposes of cool passes and calling out the plays. Sometimes 3bombs as well. What a hard worker. So what's the call, guys? In or out?

Friday, May 25, 2007

Sandy Saddler

one of my all-time favorites. i really think this guy has a good shot at heaven. the only person that knocked him out was Jock Leslie. bad news for him....Sandy to heaven, Jock...fire city.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Brooks Robinson? Heavenbound.

Brooks Robinson is in a Heavenbound crew (and you can be, too). Here's why:
  • 15-time All-Star
  • 16-time Gold Glove Winner
  • 1964 MVP
  • World Series MVP 1970
  • Two World Series rings
  • Elected to the Hall on the first ballot with 91.98% of the votes
  • His birthday was last week
  • Has a dog named Tex McGraw
  • Likes Box Tops for Education
  • Hates car insurance
  • Once ate his weight in peeled grapes
The man was known as "The Human Vacuum Cleaner," and was easily the best Third Baseman to ever grace the position. Also, he won some award for being an all around good guy, from the Bobby Bragan Youth Foundation -- possibly the all-time awesomest youth foundation to roll off the tongue. Say it out loud. Really.

Yeah, he's definitely in heaven.

p.s. Some of those facts were made up. Four in fact. But still, they might be true, and that's what you should focus on.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


what your thoughts on darryl strawberry?